In the Bible, God talks about three concepts: Faith, faithfulness, and
Faith is all about trusting in God to provide our needs, and trusting in Christ to save us. It is belief put into action.
Faithfulness is doing what God asks us to do. Unfaithfulness is not doing it.
In Matthew 21:38-41 Jesus talks about two sons. One refuses to do as his father asks. The other agrees. But when all is said and done, it is the one who refused who actually did, while the one who said he would do it, didn't.
How does this play out for those seeking to be disciples? Evidence Philippians 2:5-9, where we are urged to imitate Christ. It isn't because God is waiting to start beating on us for every failure. Christ is portrayed as being quite humble, and really not wanting to cause pain. Pain is reserved for the stubborn, and only after a time.
The point I'm making, from experience, is that God wants to encourage us to follow Him. He knows our experiences of life, and he woes us with everything in mind. He does not hurt, only welcomes, if our hurt and pain of the past has been too great.
So stop beating up on yourself, and join us in following. God
loves you - and so do we!